“Part of the Process” — a journey of being me

…or in other words the process of developing a routine schedule of events for your day to day life.

It’s always rough starting a new routine. You’re suddenly out of school, it’s summer time. Suddenly you have all this time and no way to fill it up except for a few weekend trips and outings here and there.

If you can, work your way into a routine slowly. If you have a summer job and you know what hours you will be working. Trying getting up around the same time every day (yes, on weekends too). That way your sleep cycle won’t get thrown off and you will feel more refreshed.
When you get to work, you of course need to follow directions, but try to see what within your job you actually need to perform. And try to see if you can either spread these tasks out if it’s the type of job where you won’t do too much, or how efficiently you can get the tasks done if it’s a busy, busy, busy job.

Of course the tricky part here is, how do you get the job in the first place?
May I recommend that summer is meant to have fun. Therefore, you can look around, but occupy your summer time with things that make you truly happy. Like movies, or friends, or trips, or dogs, or trees….it really doesn’t matter.

Make time everyday for the things that make you truly happy. If you don’t think you can…trust me…there is a way. Be creative! (and of course try to get an ample amount of sleep in there too).

What should matter is that you look back on the summer and smile and say “that was an awesome (and busy) summer”.

To take this title literally, I would be talking about the process of the day of one’s birth. However, I’m not that gross….and really, that story is for professionals to tell…..

But I’m here to shamelessly tell the world how awesome my friends are because I had another wonderful birthday this year.

Once again they surprised me by visiting me at my work and I left immediately and we took that night and the next day to just be us and relax. It is such a nice feeling.

But that is what birthdays are all about. You. It is celebrating the day that you entered the world. The day becomes a spectacle of you–suddenly there is a song that everyone knows that is just for you today. There are balloons and candles are lit for you. There are celebrations and food and everyone rejoices in the fact that you’re still here…..good for you.

Some people do not like birthdays…they do not like to be the center of attention…unfortunately, pretty much everyone loves an excuse to party and be social. Birthday parties are the best excuse. It is a tradition to go out, spend some money (which Americans are very good at), get all dressed up, be social and if you’re old enough, get drunk (another habit which Americans are very good at…one behind Irishman…and Germans…)

So really, birthdays are awesome. Rejoice and do not be ashamed that you are still alive. Everyone is happy to have you in their lives…they want to show their appreciation. So smile, say thank you to those hideous gifts and the goofy hats, streamers, balloons, and otherwise embarrassing displays of birthday-ness and enjoy. Because today is your birthday!

…..well, mine was yesterday…..

So today was my interview. And I have to say it went really well.
But here are some brief words of wisdom from my experience today:

1. Do your homework. Brush up on your basic information on the company you are applying to.
2. Don’t be afraid to ask questions.
3. If you’re applying to a theatre…remember what show you saw there last….haha
4. Arrive on time.
5. BE POLITE. Shake hands, eye contact, please and Thank you’s, Thank you’s, THANK YOU’S.
6. Bring a resume….in more than just an old folder you found in the family desk. LOL.
7. Wear comfy shoes.

Actually that last one was just b/c comfy shoes are always awesome. Shoes that hurt are NEVER a good idea.

But those are some of the tips that I would like to pass on to others going for interviews.

Really, really tired now.

Any other suggestions, post them in my comments!

So the next big thing in my life is an interview for an internship (it’s a start…) in Boston. I know that my good friends over at ZSN already touched upon this subject, but I’m going to take it a little further with my own philosophy.

So this week I am going to dress well, get to the interview a little early and put my most professional foot forward.

I know that interviews can be daunting and scary for some people. But too be honest, right now, I’m not nervous in any way. I think that nerves before an interview are of course healthy, but throwing up and sweating and loosing sleep the night before is over doing it. I believe that everyone…and I mean it…can shine in an interview.

Here’s a secret: Be yourself.
Take care to understand what type of a job you are applying for might not agree that your beach bum wear is appropriate for your cubicle position or whatever, or that your colorful language between every other sentence is as tasteful as you think. But you want to leave the employer with something to remember you by, as the ZSN guys have said, a resume is a great way to do this (it’s also the only lasting thing that they will keep in their office).

But go in, answer everything clearly…DON’T MUMBLE OR STUTTER…breathe…and don’t forget to shake your interviewee’s hand!

But of course this is before the interview.

More to come!

So there you are, all ready to graduate–all of your courses are lined up, your credits all in order, your final papers are being handed in and final portfolios printed onto fancy paper secured in a expensive envelope and handing it to your professors.

You receive your college’s regalia, walk down the aisle, grab your diploma and PRESTO you’re a graduate. Great. You are now cast out into the world….the image that comes to my mind is a misbehaving pet being tossed out into the cold rain on a stormy night from the warm household and must find food and shelter.

But aside from the larger picture of finding a job and truly taking steps to be yourself, it it a time for good-byes and loss of familiarity. You have just spent the past 20whatever years going to school. You get out in the spring/summer and go back in the fall. From about Sept until the warmer weather you go away to school. Suddenly that routine is shattered. Suddenly you are out and your plate is WIDE open. It’s blank. You now make your plans–whatever you want to do you can do!

Whatever is out in the world you don’t need to worry about anything else (except for money restrictions) to do well, the sky’s the limit! You can travel ANYWHERE for as long as you’d like at any time of the year! You could take a class….for fun….at any time that it is offered. You can job hunt, or take a year off!

It is during this time that the graduation process turns into a discovering yourself process. It is joining the world of corporate employers and striking out on your own. It’s terrifying and exciting; it’s an adventure.

First of all, I would like to take a moment to remember the beautiful filly Eight Belles. After coming in 2nd in the 134th Kentucky Derby she collapsed with her two front ankles broken and was immediately euthanized.

[moment of silence]
On that note I will turn to something else that sucks: moving. This is my last week at college. And so the roomies and I need to pack up the apartment that has served us very well for this past school year. But while it is sad…moving is the worst process ever.

It can mean greener pastures and new beginnings, but really, the whole process of sorting and boxing and wrapping and loading and lugging is just a nightmare.

But of course is it all part of the process of moving on, and growing up and starting something big and new.

So to everyone who is in the same boat with us who also have to pack up today–good luck and smile…b/c once the packing is over, the fun stuff begins.

(look for next post)

Today is the 134th Kentucky Derby. I freakin’ love the Derby. I’m not a jockey, and I know next to nothing about the industry. I can tell you that a 5-1 horse is more likely to win than a 65-1 horse. I can tell you that the jockeys wear silks, and that they are tinier than I am. I can tell you that most of the retired thoroughbreds DO end up in adoption programs and turn out to be marvelous sport horses or a backyard companion. But I love the Derby.

I love the traditional-ness of it all; the big hats, the wealthy in the stands and the poor college kids and trailer trash in the infield. I love that there is such a big to-do over the sport of horses for this one day. For one day a branch of something that I hold so close to my life is spotlighted for the whole country to see.

But of course, the Run for the Roses is the biggest process of them all.

As with most major commitments it begins with money…a butt load of it. It might not be there right away, but one needs money. First, you get a horse, foal preferably. Taken from the cream of the crops of bloodlines–this is where the money comes in. This foal is yours…hooray….now the training begins. Here’s where I can’t tell you much else, but I can tell you that for one particular horse that I have my bets on today, she’s still a filly and has been raced about 12 times this season….that’s like making your toddler run a relay race (what’s it called, the 4X4?? I’m not a trackie…) …and winning.

But what I love most of all, as I sort of mentioned before, is the whole process of everyone coming together, and for about maybe 5 mins (really, that’s how long the whole race is), people are glued to the TV, nervously watching their horse pull up, or take back, watching the bright silks pass each other and trying to yell as much as they can even though yelling won’t do anything; it’s up to the horse and to the jockey, of course. It’s about community, and celebration; these horses have come so far in such a short time of their life. So much is at stake, and for most of them, this might not be their last Derby…but it’s still THE Derby.

So put on your most obnoxious hat today and place your bets (I put in a dollar on Eight Belles). It’s the first Saturday in May….it’s Derby Day!

So as clearly stated earlier in this…project…I wanted this to be a daily blog. Obviously that hasn’t happened. Oops. But I’m thinking about renaming this little blog to be something different. I enjoy throwing my philosophical though processes to ya’ll…I do enjoy it. I just wish I could figure out a way to incorporate it into my daily routine and be able to let this blog live up to its name.

But dedication. It’s a process. To be dedicated to anything it deserves time, energy, and will ask you to give something in return. It might be money, a creative idea, task completion(s), anything. Of course right now I’m thinking of a particular dedication I have been faithful to for a long time and that is my work-study job at school. I am a technical assistant for Colby-Sawyer College (I’m basically a theatre extraordinare…) and I was recently awarded for my service to the theatre. I talked to my boss today and he said that he nominated me because of my hard work and time that I have put into the theatre this semester. But in order to be successful dedicating myself to the theatre it took an unbelievable amount of time, energy, focus, drive, motivation, strategy, planning, and knowledge. I was asked to undertake numerous tasks and if problems arose I was to take care of them and always always ALWAYS make things work.

You can take dedication to anything the same way. If for example you dedicate yourself to eating better or try to loose weight. It too takes time, energy, focus and motivation. You need to remember that eating healthy and loosing weight does not happen overnight, just like a show taking place in the theater, you always have a goal in mind, for a theater it is the opening night of a show, for someone trying to loose weight their goal might be 25 pounds or a special occasion. However it must be noted that the dedication should not just stop after this goal has been met. I feel that dedication, especially for something that means a lot to you, should continue through life. I plan to work in theater after school and continue to study and possibly participate and someone trying to eat healthier or loosing weight should continue to improve their eating habits and lifestyle. I’m not saying that this should continue to the point of becoming an eating disorder or unhealthily underweight, but that they should remain happy and healthy as best as they can.

So I guess dedication is a process and one must remember to stick to the process in order to be successful in dedicating yourself to…well, anything. Your job, your lifestyle, your partner (ESPECIALLY your partner).

Oh…and because it has sort of been our theme for the week, I will ask for you all to be mindful in your daily processes.

First of all, I’m an only child. But I have some of the best sisters in the world.

I haven’t really been myself lately, and last night I was reminded of just how beautiful sisterhood can be.

After a very eye-opening conversation with one of the best sisters I’ll ever be blessed to have in my life revealed that maybe I am still unsure of who I am.

One of her greatest philosophies in life, and I must say I agree, is that you have to love yourself before you can truly love another.

Not to say that I’m not happy where I am in my relationship right now, I do feel like something feels up in the air; something is missing.

After being with someone for so long during a time in my life when I am finding myself, Kyle became an extension of myself–or was I am extension of his? I’m really not sure anymore. I felt myself being molded–well, looking back, I see it now.

I saved some of our conversation last night and I wanted to use some of it to emphasize what is sticking with me:

I can’t help but think about what may have brought this “selfish” streak upon you. spending so many years in a relationship, especially during the years that are mainly to be spent forming your identity is a difficult thing to leave behind. because as i have learned also, you can only truly love yourself first…and then someone else. and unless you are certain of who you are you can never fully have a loving relationship with anyone, in any form (including true friendship). It makes me wonder if this is happening because you are uncertain of that, and confused about who you are. because you have never been, just Ashley.

So I realized that I am truly lost as to who or what I am.

So I think I need to take a step back and be happy with myself–to be the most loved by me. So another portion of my time is just going to be to reflect and meditate on me. To take a few deep breaths and focus on me….and this isn’t to say I’m shutting people out of my life, I’m just going to readjust my concentration….

So I’m writing it here to maybe help others reflect and think and focus a bit better in their own way too. I am trying to be a better person, and I’m trying to be a better, more connected me.

That’s all I got for today.

In the aftermath of Dr Love’s Guide to Dating, it got me thinking–what exactly is needed to make a relationship work.

People will often look to their zodiac signs for answers (for me, this is a minor part of it, but it puts into words what I can’t usually articulate) and true enough forever I am constantly bombarded with the “your match has a 50/50 change of surviving” crap.

So hence, I take these sayings with a grain of salt. But that also got me thinking–should not your partner complete you? Isn’t the goal of the partner to find your better half? To know that your partner is there for you when you need it? Your partner needs to be constantly there for you–never wavering or teetering on the verge of love and “let’s be friends”.

A relationship is an eternal process–every day there should always be something there to help make the relationship grow and grow–if you plan on getting married, this continued growth and exploration should not stop even after you’ve tied the knot.

It is not “fall in love at first sight, say ‘I do’, make babies and die’, NO! It is a slow, awkward, rocky, weaving road to the day until you can look at your side and see your better half.

The very start of a relationship can come in many forms: it might begin with a simple hello and not develop until years later. It might also start after the end of a break-up, finding comfort with another and realizing that this person is who you truly wish to be your better half. It might be the most awkward and difficult connection or the most spontaneous and collected connection. No matter what, a relationship blooms in many forms and there is never anything wrong about it (unless of course it’s forced or violent, but that’s another story).

So I think my point to this post is that it should not matter what other people say or think or what all the books and website advice and guidance tells you–a relationship can always work, and if it doesn’t look back at your process and understand some things that went wrong and take time to fix them. Maybe next time, things will be better.

And on that note,
I still smile at 3am.